Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
