your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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