So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
