I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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