how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
