i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
