what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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