Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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