Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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