i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
