Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
