Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
