Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
