I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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