I think I am morally bankrupt
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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