You're so nebulous sometimes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
