u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
