i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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