I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
