I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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