Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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