so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
