there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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