OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
