Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize