shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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