This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
