if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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