so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
