i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Never joke about your clitoris.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
