this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
