If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We have started to decorate penises.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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