What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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