Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
