i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
