I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
