I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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