so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize