I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
