waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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