when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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