also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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