Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
