i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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