Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
