I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
