we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
