Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
