you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize