The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
