the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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