Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
