so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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