Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
