Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
