Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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