Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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