this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
