the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The air was thick with penises
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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