i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize