Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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