Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
