highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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