what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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