I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
