Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
