I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
