i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How drunk are you?
Completed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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