Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
