I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
