Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
