the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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