You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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