i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
