At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
